When I'm Gone
by DemonicRedFlame
Summary: If you could go back in time and do something differently, would you? When Butters commits suicide, Kenny makes a deal with Death. But you know what they say...careful what you wish for.


Chapter One - When I'm Gone

 _ **Kenny's POV**_

From the start, I could tell something wasn't right. Everyone seemed to brush it off, as if it was nothing. But I knew better. Butters wasn't himself. He wasn't cheerful and bubbly like he normally was. A depressing gloom replaced the normal sparkle held in his bright blue eyes. Summer came around and,even at a blazing 100 degrees, Butters still wore long sleeves. When asked about it, Butters would use the same excuse of "I'm cold." But I knew better. I guess in a way, I knew something was really bothering him. One day, my suspicions were proved to be correct. Butters had invited me to a sleepover at his house, since his parents were going out of town and he wasn't grounded for once. It started off pretty normally, we talked and watched Youtube videos. Then things went downhill. Butters and I had headed downstairs to the kitchen to make some dinner. As Butters reached to get a bowl out of the cabinet, his sleeve had slid down his arm, revealing multiple cuts all along his wrist. Before I could stop myself, I had grabbed the boy's arm, pushing the sleeve up his arm to his elbow.

''Butters, what the hell are these?'' I looked into his eyes, which were welling up with tears. He looked at me before yanking his arm out of my grasp. He turned his back to me and I felt a pang of guilt hit me. We stood in silence for a few minutes until he finally spoke.

''Do you know what it's like, Kenny?'' Though he had control of his voice, I could still hear a slice of hurt behind his words. He didn't allow me to answer before he spoke again.

''Do you know what it's like to go through every day acting like everything is alright? Aw gee, of course you wouldn't. I mean, you've got everything you could ever ask for. You've got parents who don't see you as a mistake, you've got decent grades, you play a sport, gee, you've even got Bebe...I don't gots none of that stuff.'' Since the beginning of middle school, Butters had become somehow even more of an outcast than he'd been back in elementary school. It was no wonder he did that to himself...he thought no one cared. I knew I needed to tell someone. Butters needed help. I needed to tell someone. But I didn't...until it was too late.

I wasn't expecting what happened a week later. It started off as a normal Friday at South Park Junior High. The eighth grade was preparing presentations on our hopes and ambitions once we started high school. As we headed to the cafeteria for lunch, Craig had stuck out his foot, tripping Butters.

''Watch where you're going, fag!'' Craig taunted. All I could do was glare at the ebony haired boy as I saw tears well up in my friend's eyes again. It was well known that Butters was gay. This was the treatment he received every single day, and it honestly disgusted me. I stopped walking and reached out my hand towards the blonde.

''Hey buddy, need a hand?'' I offered. Butters simply pushed my hand away and ran off, tears streaming down his face. Butters was oddly silent the rest of the day. I kept glancing over at him worriedly throughout the day, but all I saw was a solemn look on his face each time. After school as he was walking out of the bathroom, I pulled him off to the side.

''Butters, are you alright?'' I asked. He simply nodded at me but kept silent. I glanced down at his sleeve to see a wet red stain on the sleeve. Gently, I took hold of his wrist and rolled up the sleeve, being greeted by several bleeding cuts. They looked fresh.

''Butters, are these new? Were you cutting in the bathroom?'' My voice cracked in desperation. I prayed the answer was ''no''. Butters looked at me and nodded. Before I could ask anymore questions, Butters gently took his wrist away and rolled the sleeve back down before boarding the school bus to go home. I wanted so badly to follow him, to make sure he knew someone cared...I wish I had done that. As I walked home an hour later, I had a really sickening feeling in the pit in my stomach. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to Butters' house. As I approached the driveway, I realized that his parents were working overtime, judging by the empty driveway. I hurried to the front door to find it unlocked. I entered the boy's house to complete silence. That wasn't good.

''Butters?'' I shouted out. No response. The sinking feeling in my stomach grew more alarming.

''Butters?!'' Before I knew what I was doing, I was running up the stairs, praying and hoping that my gut feeling was wrong. I turned his bedroom doorknob to find it locked.

''Butters, open the door! Butters!'' In one last desperate attempt to make sure he was okay, I began ramming into the door, trying to break it down. Finally, I was able to break the door down and I entered his room. I gasped in horror at the sight in front of me.

''Butters...no!'' I ran to his limp body laying on the floor at his bedside. His skin was like ice and his face pale.

''Butters...Butters, please!'' I was crying now, my body shaking with sobs. As I looked up, I noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand. I raised a shaking hand to the nightstand and sobbed as I began to read the all too familiar handwriting.

 _ **To whoever is taking the time to read this,**_

 _ **You never thought it would come to this, did ya? I seemed happy, right? Wrong. I haven't been happy for a long time, fellas. A very long time. And yet none of you cared enough to even notice how I was truly feeling. So I guess I'll start here. My name is Leopold ''Butters" Stotch. I was born on September 11th, 2001 to Linda and Stephan Stotch. And today, I committed suicide. You fellas may be askin' yourselves, ''Why?" Well, I'll tell ya why. Every since I was a little kid, I've been the laughingstock of South Park. For years I've been bullied, outcast, abused, taken advantage of and even sent away. You think that wouldn't affect me? Well, you thought wrong. I have feelings just like the rest of ya. None of you seemed to care about that, though. To all you guys, I was just your punching bag. That said, I have a few things to say to a few people.**_

 _ **Eric,**_

 _ **Why'd ya treat me the way you did? I used to say that you were my best friend. I guess I didn't process all the things you'd done to me at the time. And you'd done a lot, Eric. What happened when we hit middle school, Eric? Was I suddenly not worth the time anymore? Did you forget about me? Well, that's okay, I guess. Nobody really thought I was worth it, anyway.**_

 _ **Kyle and Stan,**_

 _ **You two were always kind to me, again, until we hit middle school. What happened to our friendship, fellas? I understand that Stan, you became involved with sports and a girlfriend and you Kyle, your studies and clubs. But was there ever any time for poor old Butters? Would it have killed ya to say hi to me once in a while?I guess I see where I stand with you guys, too.**_

 _ **Kenny,**_

 _ **Thanks for always bein' there. You were really my best friend all along. And I'm sorry for this, Kenny.**_

 _ **To the rest of ya, gee, what do I say? You never cared anyway. I know my suicide won't affect a lot of you, but at least I know Kenny will care. I'm really sorry Kenny...it's just my time. So, I guess this is goodbye. I'm sorry that I couldn't be of any worth to you, South Park.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Leopold "Butters" Stotch**_


End file.
